Satnam's story

I began drinking in my early to late teens, just socialising, as did everyone else around me.
My drinking carried on like that for many years until by the early 1990s everything revolved around it. I was quiet and shy without, and it brought something out in me and I just loved the effect. That was until the stage when I was the laughing stock at the end of each bout. By 1992-93 I knew it was a problem, but blamed it on everything else except the drink - job, home etc.

I was the youngest of four. I lost some close family members through addiction, yet I still thought it couldn't be in the family, especially as other family members never touched it. I put my mother and wife through hell. I remember thinking, through my zombie states, what will happen to my kids? They were seeing what had happened to those other family members through me.

My weekends got longer, I was missing Fridays and Mondays at work. Through all this my GP was amazing, he came regularly to see me and my family. Eventually, in early 1994, he told me enough is enough. My older brother also played a big role in trying to get me into treatment. My GP got me into a clinic in 1994 but it was more psychiatric. I played along to keep the family happy, staying for one week. I was quite happy without alcohol while I was there, because I was given other medication! It was private so it was like a holiday camp, with a gym, sauna, everything. It cost a lot of money but I lied all the way through.

Then I wrecked the car when I was driving whilst drunk. Someone got me out of the car, I pointed to the psychiatric centre and the person took me straight there. My GP went mad when he found out. I stayed in there for another week. AA wasn't mentioned until the money ran out.

After I left I went to my first meeting of AA, but I felt I wasn't one of those sick people. My drinking then rocketed for 3-4 months, I was housebound, and by then I was fearful and hallucinating. My brother spoke to my doctor who then told me about Clouds House. He said Clouds House "had the best results in the whole of Europe". My GP was getting angry on the phone because he couldn’t get funding. He said he needed funding for a "chronic alcoholic" and I looked round to see who he was referring to!

On 3 July 1995 my brother brought me down to Clouds House. I didn't know what to expect but, whatever it was, that wasn't it. I hated it for the first 10 days. Then, in the second week, in group therapy, something happened, I got emotional and couldn't stop crying. Then I began getting on and doing what I should do. My brother and my wife came up twice. My Fifth Step was the best thing I ever did, I dumped all my rubbish on a complete stranger. On the last day I had mixed feelings, leaving the safe haven. Even now, coming to Reunions, I still get feelings of warmth and safety.

My counsellor said that I'd had primary treatment, and that my secondary treatment was the rest of my life. He also said, never say no. I felt depressed over the next few weeks, during which time one of my peers from treatment died. But I stuck to meetings, they were brilliant, I have very good friends in AA now. I was worried at 6 months or so about having a slip - but was told that is not a necessary part of the programme!

I'm still with my wife of over 25 years, and am proud of my two boys. After 29 years as a senior technician in the motor trade (Ford Dealership) I at last managed to change my job last year. I now work as an Automobile Association patrolman!

It's been quite a journey. It gave me a second chance in life ... and without it I wouldn't be telling this story.

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